When you experience failure (whether it is a single big failure or many less-than-big ones) and start to feel like you are not enough for what needs to be done … chances are your confidence has taken a nose-dive.
The first thing that I’d like to remind you of is that how you feel in any given moment isn’t who you are!
I remember when I failed the D.C. Bar on my first try. I had studied, taken the study course – and still didn’t make the cut.
I felt devastated. “What? I have to do this all over again?”
I felt that maybe I didn’t have what it took to get through this tough test. And felt the pressure of an exam that would determine my ability to practice law!
I felt that maybe it wasn’t really for me… and besides, I didn’t want to practice anyway (sour grapes, perhaps?)
How do we handle our confidence slipping away from us? We can start by asking, “How long has this been going on?” and “What can we do about it?”
It’s natural to panic … to wonder what, why, and how we went wrong. It’s natural to look for who or what’s at fault … we want to get to the root cause of how this could happen, especially now (because “now” is always a bad time for disappointment).
I don’t want to sound simplistic, yet there are three words to remember when we are faced with feeling good, not so good, and like an outright failure.
The three words I’m about to share are within each and every one of us – the victor, the so-called failure, and the overwhelmed person who doesn’t know where to look or what to do next …
The three words are Head, Heart & Hands. And @MountainPeakStrategies, we call this The 3-H Approach™.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with my work, let me explain further:
The root of most challenges we typically face on a daily basis are found within ourselves. By that I mean our challenges are caused by one or more of the areas associated with our (Head) thinking and vision; (Heart) feelings and beliefs; and, (Hands) acting and creating.
And here is my second reminder: the power to change your destiny is in your hands.
I know exactly how I approached that D.C. Bar exam the first time – it was with fear and an unhealthy dose of doubt. As I prepared for my second attempt, I realized that I had to be far more aware of how I was speaking to myself and feeling about what was before me. I had to go into that exam differently.
When you’re faced with a dip in your confidence … the first place to look is within yourself. Work toward knowing where you truly are and discover and acknowledge what you’re thinking, feeling, and creating. Remember that failure is just another opportunity to learn and work toward changing your internal state to change your results.
My third and final reminder in this blog: Failure happens to us all. Embrace it, learn from it, grow, and keep moving forward.
And just so you know, when I walked into that exam, I knew in my Head and Heart that I would pass. And my Hands, empowered by my coherence, got the job done!
The words you speak become the house you live in. Hafiz (Persian poet)
